Fifteen years ago today, I got married.
I think it’s pretty safe to say no one genuinely walks down the aisle, planning to be divorced. I most certainly didn’t, as a young, extremely wide-eyed, blushing virgin bride (who was very much in love with her charming husband).
But somehow the marriage begins to crumble. It’s a slow fade, over time and choice.
Love is always a choice.
And so, through the struggle and pain and shit and hell and fire and snot and screams and tears and questions and rage and mistakes and surrender, you wake up one day and realize you’ve survived.
I hesitate to proclaim my divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me, because I believe in marriage. What is more, I believe in fighting for marriage.
But when the battle has been fought and you realize you’re the only one left in the ring, you learn to put down your sword, take a deep breath and let the dust settle.
Beauty from ashes.
So I say my divorce is the most refining thing that ever happened to me.
I learned my worth.
I learned I am worth fighting for.
I learned I have the most incredible people in my life, who love and stick by me, for better or for worse.
I am learning to forgive.
I am not the person I was when I got married fifteen years ago. I am also not the person I was five years ago, when my marriage ended.
I’m not even the person I was five minutes ago. I hope and pray to be continually refined, by the One Who will always love me; who will never leave me. For that, I am so grateful.
God is good.