The Christian Girl's Guide to Divorce

Against my better judgment, I immediately returned Sister Wife’s email.

I mean, come on.  I couldn’t let that one go.

I appreciate you trying to stick up for your man.  It’s so sweet.
I am sorry that your marriage to him is not legal.

See you in court.

She did not reply, but I knew she’d be back.

Anger, sadness, rage, hurt and adrenaline rushed through my body.  Still, I laughed and laughed with my co-worker, Shelley, who was on the edge of her seat during the entire email exchange.  (Sometimes tax preparation can get a bit dull.)

I finished the workday without incident and drove home.  I felt unsettled.  I picked up my journal and added to the previous day’s entry.

Oh, Lord, I have really got to focus on You.  How unfaithful I am!  In the midst of extenuating circumstances I cling to You, but when things seemingly “ease up”, I venture out on my own, inevitably failing and acting/looking like a fool.  Forgive me.

X is still an ass.  Granted, I emailed him immediately and egged him on, and he told me to fuck off.  So rude.  I can’t believe I was married to him.  I really, honestly can’t.  It is painful to think of all the years I wasted with him.

And I am still alone.  I was alone then, and I am alone now.

I am trying to digest the email from Sister Wife today.  It was just very disheartening and childish.  I confess my anger and sadness.  Lord, have mercy.  Please let X and Sister Wife find You, for they need You.  We all need You.

X has hurt me enough.  I am exhausted and I do not want to spend money on another lawyer.  Lord, would it just be done?  Please?

Could the good things come?  Will they?  Will I ever move forward, beyond the angst of the divorce; the pain of rejection and human loneliness?

I have come so far.  I want to KEEP GOING.  Help!

I still believe You have good things in store for me.  I believe it, despite myself.  Lord, help me to forgive X someday.  I want to not be angry with him.

But anger is still prevalent.  He hasn’t changed, nor will he.  I want his money and I want to never think of him again.  He still hurts me.

I just want to be loved.

I closed my journal, shut my eyes and allowed the tears to flow.  I had to gear myself up for yet another battle.  As much as I didn’t want to let Sister Wife affect me, her venomous words cut deep.

How dare she? 

Who was she, anyway?  Some 39-year old divorced career woman with a kid, who bore a frighteningly striking resemblance to my ex-mother-in-law?

WHO CARED????!!!

Why was X letting her speak for him, anyway?  She had nothing to do with our relationship, even as broken as it was.  If anything, she would benefit from the fact that her marriage to him was/is illegal, because, if they end up divorced, she won’t have to pay him a red cent.

Me asking for the last part of the retirement wasn’t any sort of personal vendetta, or attempt to woo my ex husband back into my arms.  Simply put, it was my entitled share to our Community Property.  Most property acquired during a marriage is owned jointly by both spouses.  In California, it is divided 50/50 upon divorce, annulment or death.

So, it really didn’t matter if I had or hadn’t “earned” my share.  It was just the LAW.

Hmm.  Guess X and Sister Wife didn’t pay much attention to the law, anyway.

I placed a call to the lawyer whom I had initially hired to help me with the divorce paperwork.  I left a message.

“Hi, there!  It’s Leslie Spencer.  Hey, I was wondering if you could help me with a contempt case…?  My ex-husband is refusing to pay me.  It’s been months.  Ohhh, yeah, and he got married before we were divorced… so, um, yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that…”

I released the phone from my ear for a moment and let out a belly laugh. I gasped for air and tried to maintain my composure as I returned to the phone.

“So, what does one do with a case of bigamy and contempt on her hands?”