Wait, wait, wait — wait a minute.
Time out.
“Why are you writing this?”
“Why on earth would you start a blog about your divorce? Nobody wants to read about that. You’re sharing WAY too much personal information. You’re going to get in big trouble. You should think twice before posting. You must still be stuck on your ex. You’re way too consumed with the past. Furthermore, what man is going to want to date you, after reading all of this? You’re insane! STOP!”
These are the thoughts that run through my head, or maybe what other people are thinking. (Nice try, Satan, you ninny. I’m sick of you!)
Then a smile spreads across my face, and I say, “This is me.”
I’m trusting God to use my story for His glory. Yep. I said it. I said that cheesy, Christian-ese phrase: MY STORY FOR HIS GLORY! There! I shouted it.
My intention is not to defame anybody. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially myself. There is no “good guy/bad guy” in this story, because we’re all broken human beings. But God uses our brokenness, and can make beautiful, new life out of the darkness; out of the ashes.
I don’t actually know who is reading this. I do know how many are, though, and the feedback I have received has been extremely positive. I believe that my readers can identify with my thoughts, feelings and experiences, even if their own journey or beliefs are not exactly the same. One person even thanked me for helping her remember how much she missed reading. (!!)
That is why I keep going.
I’m a writer.
Furthermore, this isn’t the only story I have to tell.
I’m not making money, I don’t have a book deal, maybe I never will. I don’t know what God’s ultimate purpose for this is, but I do know that He is in control. He’s always in control.
I used to think that I had my life together. I also used to think that I had to be “perfect” in order to have a voice in this world.
Guess what? I’m not perfect. I am a broken, mangled, mess of a human being who just so happens to have gone through a heart-wrenching divorce. I do not recommend divorce. It is almost worse than death, maybe simply for the fact that the other person is still alive. There is no “happy ending”. But, I can tell you – there is hope. There is always hope. Hope, Part Infinity.
Isaiah 40:31 – “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
So, my friends, I continue — my story for HIS glory.
The Christian Girl's Guide to Divorce 
Can’t. Stop. Reading. Sooooo tired but this blog has been like a good book. Once I pick it up, I can’t put it down! (So glad to hear it will be a book soon!)
I’m so drawn to your honesty and rawness in blogging. I personally feel like a paradox. I have many in my life who tell me that they love me for my authenticity and raw realness. I have in the past had to remind myself that there IS such a thing as TMI (too much info) with people you’ve just met. (“Guard your heart”, etc.)
I am always very honest in my writing/speaking, but I feel like I’m still doing some “protecting”, you know?? At some level, I know I still kind of give people what I think they want to see. I am that Instagram-ing-of-my-cute-kids-and-here’s-a-picture-of-the-latest-Pinterest-project-or-recipe-that-I-just-cooked-up kind of woman. But at the same time, I have also Instagram’d my kids having their freak-out tantrums and my burnt frozen dinners. I know the power of authenticity – especially as a communicator. But I guess you are challenging me to a deeper level of rawness… and I just have to process what that looks like for my future blog posts and speaking engagements.
So here are some questions for you Leslie:
Do you believe there is such a thing as “TMI”? Is there a level of rawness and vulnerability that you DON’T share with your readers here?
Does your ex-husband or his parents read this blog? What have their reactions been?
Sara,
Thank you so much for reading and responding! Have to tell you, I just watched a silly parody on shit (oops, “shoot”) Christians say, and the whole “guard your heart” thing came up…tee, hee. Funny.
http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/33933/Shoot-Christians-Say
ANYWAY. To answer your questions, YES, I do believe in such a thing as TMI. I was in a much different place even a year ago, when I began writing this blog-turned-book. Perhaps then I was driven more by my emotions; processing what was happening, sometimes in real time. Perspective and time are wonderful, healing gifts. I still believe in vulnerability and authenticity; I guess I can’t keep my mouth shut. And if that means TMI, then so be it.
I do not know if my ex husband or his parents read — or have read — this blog. My intention has never been to defame anyone. At the same time, it’s my story. As Anne Lamott once said, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
Thanks so much for responding Leslie. Watched the “Shoot Christians say” vid. Keep in mind that it was late and I was overtired…..but I was PEEING MY PANTS laughing so hard. Like tears streaming down my face, can’t catch my breath kind of laughing… Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I have never been married, but I am a single mother living in LA in a constant battle with my self esteem and my relationship with my son’s father. Your writing makes me feel stronger and inspires me to rest in the knowledge of God as my Father and Husband. Thank you so much for your honesty and for pouring your heart out here.
Thank you, Tara, for reading and responding. I’m so glad you resonate with it all. And, yes. Rest in that knowledge; rest in His loving arms!
You and one other writer have recently inspired me to get back to writing…something I used to do more of as a way of processing. God brought me through a desert (not divorce but of a different nature) beginning in 2009 and due to the intensity of it all, writing had to take a back burner. Until recently, I was only able to refer to that year as my “hell year.” But over the last three months or so, I have really begun to see the beauty God has brought from it and how it was even an answer to some specific prayers I had prayed…go figure. He gave me His Presence through hardship. There is no greater gift.
So glad that you have been inspired to write again! God is good to give us time and perspective, no? I agree — no greater gift than His Presence and PEACE — even when things feel like they’re falling apart. Even though we may not understand, He never forsakes us.
As someone who is currently journeying along a similar path, I thank you for sharing your stories. I applaud your courage &I appreciate your honesty.
Blessings,
Shalonda
Shalonda,
Blessings to YOU! So glad that you found this blog. I’ll be praying for you as you continue your journey. God is good, all the time!
Thank you for writing this blog! Your story sounds all too familiar to me. As I read I don’t feel so alone in how I feel inside.
You are not alone!!
I remember when I first stumbled upon your old blog. I thought it and you were incredible, but this is even more brave and such a Godsend to so many people (myself included). THANK GOD FOR YOU, LESLIE!
I’m so glad you feel that way! 😉
just wanted to say that i love this blog. i love the way you write. bold, hilarious, visceral and real. i found it through ak and read it faithfully. my own marriage was injured -i thought irreparably- right around the same time (via related characters) so that everything you write resonates- from the coldness to the exhaustion to the frantic anger and guilt and hopelessness. and somehow we all (you, me, my family, ak) have survived the crash. grace! God! your journey to healing is helping me heal and helping me forgive/ allow myself to be forgiven. brilliant, leslie. keep writing!
love you.
This is what I have always LOVED and still LOVE about you! You are crazy open and willing to share even the rawest things about yourself for the sake of Christ. So Proud of you my friend.
Thank you, my friend. ❤
Wow Leslie!
I had no idea all this was going on with you. It makes me sad to read of you both going through a divorce. And like many people I am familiar with the pain of ending a relationship. If you remember, I was going through a nasty breakup when we were doing The All Night Strut.
It’s a very brave thing to bear your soul the way you are, and a wonderful thing for those who may not have had the courage to express themselves.
Parnell! Love you!!
You are a beautiful, amazing woman of God, Leslie! Any man would be a fool not to want to date you! And your story puts a voice to so many people’s pain. Although your story is unique, many of us can relate to it and find hope in your faithfulness and in God’s amazing love and faithfulness. He’s given you many amazing gifts.
you fucking rock!!!
(f bombs)
Even though I am not a man of faith, one of the few things I believe:
“Happiness shared is happiness multiplied, pain shared is pain divided.”
And as for, “what man is going to want to date you, after reading all of this?” Having known you for 7 years, I can honestly reply: Any man with a pulse and the ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Best. Compliment. Ever. 😉
Yes yes yes!!!
I think that you are an amazing writer! I am hooked on your blog and I wish that I had your ability to write.
Thanks, J.P.!!
Leslie, you are amazing..thank you so much for sharing your personal story.
(and you are an amazing writer) sending prayers, blessings, and goodness ..all through God.. xo
Thank you!